Hot Water

Published on: Author: Tom

We did without hot water in the building for years.  A small electric water heater servicing the second and third floors went out and I just couldn’t make myself spend the $100 it cost to replace it.  After years of cold water (warm in the summer, we live in Texas) I broke down, bought a new one and paid a friend to install it.  I could have done it myself but it’s located between the second and third floors in a space only a midget can fit in.  My friend is a midget.

The first day I washed the glasses with my new hot water I burned my hands.  But the glasses got really clean.  I think it’s because flying objects traveling at close to the speed of light strip away any impurities.  And major impact dislodges any particles which survive reentry.  Maybe this is why any car I’ve ever wrecked always looked much cleaner after the collision than before.

I was very hesitant to wash the glasses again.  Clean is nice but third degree burns are a different thing all together.  But I had paid $100 for my new hot water heater plus the midget’s installation fee and I ain’t nothin’ if not cheap.  I screwed up my courage and very cautiously turned on the hot water.  It worked.  I was back in business.

A few days later we began to notice that it smelled real bad when we turned the hot water on.  Real bad.  You know, like a sour gas well or a small dog who ate something unmentionable and you made the mistake of taking him for a car ride with the windows up.  I had three options.  Replace the heater but that cost more money and I had to find a midget again; turn all the hot water lines off at all the sinks but that required mechanical skills I arguably don’t possess; or come up with a sign warning everyone not to turn on the hot water.  I opted to turn all the hot water lines off but not before coming up with the following sign.

FIRST ONE TO TURN

THE HOT WATER ON

IS A ROTTEN EGG

 

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